March 28, 2009

I hate..everything.

I hate everything & everyone but most of all myself. I hate my stupidity and my stubborn rigidity. I hate my dependence and my unpreparedness to grow up. I hate my immaturity. I hate everything about myself. Ugh, I just feel like ripping my skin off (don’t worry. I won’t. That would hurt too much.) I also have felt like throwing up for the last 12 hours or so…I haven’t though. I wish I would, I would feel better then…I think. My chest hurts too - I can’t stop crying so my eyes are all swollen and puffy & my head is super stuffed up…I feel terrible, but I brought it upon myself. I should be trying, y’know? So I can repair the friendship but…nothing has changed XD; I still feel no motivation to do anything…in fact, the only thing I have motivation to do is write and smack my head against the wall for being so stupid. This is pathetic. I shouldn’t feel like THIS…it’s only been 24-hours (well, about) but I’m freaking out…

How pathetic and sad. I don’t wanna lose you, but I can’t get myself to do anything to keep you. I’m nothing. I’m not worth anything, am I? Everyone should just disassociate themselves with me so I’ll sink into a deep enough depression that I’ll finally just off myself… It’d be better for everyone.

You know what’s so funny? I keep sabotaging myself and my friendships.

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I hate..everything.