I think I might be depressed. I have a lot of those stupid little symptoms. Lack of interest, sleeping too much or not enough (it fluctuates) eating too much or not enough (fluctuates) irritability, mood swings and all of that stuff. And it’s not like “that time of the month” stuff either… It’s been like this for the last month or so. Plus, my apathetic moods are becoming far more frequent and playing the guitar isn’t clearing them up anymore. Neither is drawing or writing. They stick with me for a whole day sometimes. They used to be like that, lasting for days. For a long time now, I’ve been really happy, feeling good. Lots of friends, talking with them, I was doing GREAT! But I’m falling back into that depressive state, and it’s getting to me. It’s an endless cycle, I’m getting depressed because I’m depressed. I’ve never been clinically diagnosed but…I think I might be depressed. For real.
A while ago, mom said I might need anti-anxiety medicine - I get anxious so easily. I start shaking around when I ‘m in the food court at the mall. She also thinks I need to pay more attention. It’s funny, it’s not that I’m spacing out…it’s that I’m listening to other people talk, it’s kind of rude I guess, but as a writer, it’s one of those things you have to do. Especially when you don’t have a lot of friends “IRL” I don’t hang out with people outside of the internet. I’m practically married to Athena (my computer). See what I mean? It’s got a NAME. Sad, right? Well, it’s just one of those things I guess. I want to tell mom that I want to see a therapist but… I don’t know, sometimes it feels like mom doesn’t think anyone but her needs to see one. And it sounds mean for me to say that about my own mother, but it’s how it feels. It’s like…I feel like she doesn’t care. I know she does, but…I’m just being an angsty teenager again :x
I apologize for all of this bullshit…
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